Category: The Gurgaon Column

Scene : A police station somewhere in Gurgaon. It is late in the evening. Two policemen, the last ones on duty, are talking over a glass of warm lassi.

The Old timer – Arey, aaj kal kaam kitna badh gaya hai. Too much is happening in Gurgaon. Complaints,complaints all the time. I have stopped picking up the phone only.It used to be so different ten –fifteen years ago.

Newbie cop– Kyun sirjee ? What was different?

Old timer : We never used to get so many complaints. It was very peaceful. There were not so many buildings, shops, cars, women, nothing but buffaloes and fields and quiet little villages. These days there is so much crime-either it is some rape case, eve teasing ,chain snatching,carjacking, aur na jaane kya kya..

Newbie cop- But what can be done sirjee?

Old timer- Most of these problems happen at night. Pehle toh, we must ban women from being out after 8 p.m. They have a saying in my village- If jalebi khuli rakhee, then zaroor ayegi makhee. The womenfolk should be at home cooking dinner for their husbands at that time instead of stepping out of the house. Better be safe in kitchen than sorry on the roads

Newbie cop- Sacchi baat hai. But yesterday we got a complaint from a lady whose chain was snatched in broad daylight. She was walking from metro station to office.

Old timer- Main poochta hoon -what is the need to go to office? My wife is not working outside the house- she has been quite happy milking the buffaloes and making cowdung cakes for the last twenty years. We must ban women from going to office.

Newbie- I heard thousands of women are employed by these BPOs . They come and go at all times of day and night.

Old timer- It is all because of these BPOs that these women are getting into trouble. Their taxi drivers are the ones who are causing so much trouble. Once you remove the places of work, then women will not go there at all. Before these companies came, we had no such problems. We must ban all the BPOs.

Newbie- There was this one women who was working in a pub….

Old timer- Yeh pub-shub kya hai? Is a desi sharaab ka theka not good enough for these people? There is a saying in my village- even if it is bucket mein bhara, nothing’s better than our gaon’s tharraa. We must ban all pubs, bars and hotels. Then no woman will be able to go out and have drinks.

Newbie cop- But what to do, sirjee? The ladies go for shopping or eating or watching movies. We got another complaint from a lady that some goondas stopped her car while she was driving to the mall. They tried to grab her purse and pull her out of the car.

Old timer- These malls are to blame. Is the monthly village haat not good enough? Instead, ladies are wanting to go to beauty parlor, to fancy shops to buy chote chote kapde and bade bade handbag? Why tempt the ladies to go and spend their husbands money ? There is a famous saying in my village- ‘Bhains ko dikhaoge ghaas, toh woh ayeega tumhare paas. No shops, no temptation, no trouble. We must get these malls closed and ban any new ones. Then the women will safely sit at home. Newbie- What an idea sirjee! You are a genius. With no malls, no pubs, no offices, there won’t be too many people left in Gurgaon either.

Old timer – Exactly. Maybe then we can have a peaceful time. It will be just like it was in the old days- only buffaloes and fields and quiet little villages.

The sparrow has been declared the state bird by our cousins, the Delhi folks. The humble Indian sparrow, has apparently almost disappeared from the capital. It is so rare that even environment ministry folks cannot distinguish it from its Eurasian cousin. Still, World Sparrow Day has been celebrated in Delhi on 20 th March and one hopes that this is a sign that some Delhi janta are interested in watching real birds instead of ogling and gawking at women .

So it is about time that Gurgaon got to have its own bird and even celebrate a Bird day. A brief search on the Net has revealed that the State Bird of Haryana is the Black Francolin. The Black Francolin is a kind of Partridge, a game bird belonging to the Pheasant family. It is known for its short explosive flight and loud aggressive calls during the breeding season , characteristics it has lent to some of the non feathered residents as well. However, the bird is rarely seen in our concrete jungle and does not evoke any feeling in the heart of the Gurgaonite. Besides, Black Francolin Day or Kaala Teetar Divas sounds like a sad occasion to commemorate some national tragedy , the kind that is accompanied by mournful shehnai music on Doordarshan. It just doesn’t have that ring to it.

The other contender could be the common country hen, the humble murgi, that is found in any self respecting Indian village. Gurgaon was once a thriving hub of hens, having more than 250 poultry farms. Now the poultry owners have chickened out of the business, having found it more lucrative to sell off the farms for real estate development. Is it time to bring the hen back into the city? Should the cock
crow once more on the dawn of a new era? Shall we hear the patter of tiny chicken feet again in the yard? And how shall we celebrate the Hen Day? Shall we throw a bash at the local KFC outlet? Shall we recall the virtues of a tasty platter of tandoori murg or chicken tikka? The delicious irony of Hen Day would be lost on a majority of the kukkad loving populace.

Another option is to adopt one of the migratory birds that flock to Sultanpur every winter. Maybe the Rosy pelican, or the Wagtail or Spotted sandpiper. I am personally in favor of the Northern Shoveler, a duck that is found in North America. Since Gurgaon has a significant expat population and NRIs, it would be symbolic of the global cosmopolitan culture of the place. But it would be a bird brained thing to antagonize the swadeshi pakshi lobby who would fly off the handle if we bring a phoren feather into the picture.

One of the best candidates would be the common Indian pigeon. The Indian pigeon is truly Indian-it can perform its natural body functions anywhere in public and doesn’t care about the mess it makes. Every morning, I find that my balconies have been has been blessed generously by these birds who like to leave their mark in most public places, sort of like the ‘ Pinky loves Babloo’ scratched on walls of
national monuments.

The Indian pigeon has adapted beautifully to high rise living in Gurgaon. It knows the value of real estate and chooses prime locations like tops of air conditioners and cozy alcoves above the kitchen to build its nest. It has mutated from a shy bird to a loud aggressive bully who doesn’t think twice about venturing into other peoples territories. It can handle a variety of menu options from biscuit crumbs to stale parathas. It is capable of making a loud noise when it wants without caring about its neighbors. The pigeons are quite happy congregating in their favorite pots, like the local swimming pool in summers, shady park corners and having a good time. They strut about in its attractive grey, blue, green plumage looking smarter than they actually are.

So it is about time this intelligent, adaptable bird is given the love and respect that it deserves. So let’s start a campaign to celebrate World Pigeon Day in Gurgaon and honor the Indian Pigeon that is a part of our lives.

Recently, I was very excited to see a news item which proclaimed that Gurgaon had the highest internet penetration in India. Gurgaon beats Bangalore, declared the headlines. Over a 1,00,000 households have computers and most of them have internet connectivity. It was a pleasant change to see Gurgaon in the news for something other than gang rapes, road rage and suicides.. And this was a real achievement unlike other dubious distinctions like having the highest number of malls per sqkm. This is a sure sign of progress and an indicator of how connected we Gurgaonites are.

I decided to call up a friend who had recently returned from a short break in the hills. She would find this news interesting and I could find out about her vacation.

“ Can I call you back. I am trying to upload all the holiday photos on Picassa . You will see what an amazing time we had. But the connectivity seems slow and it is taking a long time.” She moaned and hung up.

I tried another friend who could at least be relied upon for some good gossip. I hadn’t spoken to her for a long time.

“ Hi, did you know that Gurgaon has the highest per capita internet connections in India?” I asked .

“ Did you know that M’s relationship has become complicated and R is no longer friends with T. And guess what, S threw a party and didn’t invite us?”

“ What? How? When did you meet them?” I asked feeling a little excluded from the circle.

“ I haven’t met them in a long time. Don’t you look at facebook? I am now going to go through their pages and seeing what I can find. Talk to you later” she hung up to pursue more interesting options.

In the evening, I shared the news with my daughter. “What do you think?” I asked wanting to engage her in a stimulating conversation which would help sharpen her intellectual acumen. The Gurgaon children would no doubt grow up to be smart intelligent citizens thanks to access to superior technology.

“ Cool.” she said as she picked up her ipad. “I am going to download some stuff from the app store.” That marked the end of our discussion.

“ Are you meeting your friends in the evening at the park after doing your homework?” I asked ,abandoning thoughts of sharpening her intellect.

“Naah.. We will just skype each other and maybe play Draw Something on the ipad.” The netizen wandered off to her room.

At night, we were having our family quality time together. At least my husband and I could have a talk.

“ So Gurgaon has more internet connections than any other city in India. What do think about that? I asked my spouse.

“ Uh…Uh..” he grunted barely looking up from his laptop.

“ I wonder how it will be 10 years from now, if everyone has instant internet connectivity. I mean now everyone including the maali and milkman have mobile phones. Soon, everyone will have smart phones and computers. Do you think this will significantly alter the way we think, work and relate with others?”I continued.

“Uh.. sorry. I have to send out this mail now. Some fire at work,” he mumbled.

“It is 9.45 p.m. Why are you still working?”

He surfaced for a minute and gave me a glazed look.

“My boss is still working. He just sent me a mail now. Sometimes I wish we didn’t have this 24/7 connectivity. The mails never stop.” He sank back into the swirling waters of the cyber sea.

I gave up trying to have any conversation . I went to my laptop and opened up my facebook page. Our
daughter was browsing for the lyrics of her favorite songs on youtube. The husband continued to plod
through his emails. The house hummed with the sound of a well connected family.

Recently one of my NRI (Newly Returned Indian) neighbors complained about lack of adventure sports and exciting outdoor activities in Gurgaon. He claimed that Back Home in the US, he could pursue pastimes like mountain biking, canoeing or parasailing all within a 10 mile radius from his house.There is nothing like that in Gurgaon, he moaned, for that adrenalin rush, that special thrill that comes from plunging down a cliff into sheer nothingness, the feeling of challenging nature and beating the odds, of pushing oneself to ones limits etc etc.

Clearly he knew very little about the extreme sports that we Gurgaonites get an opportunity to indulge in every day of the week, apart from the special seasonal sporting opportunities. Here are the most popular ones.

Red Light Jumping- Forget Bungee jumping. What is so courageous about leaping off a cliff knowing that you are safely tied to a stout rope? It takes real guts and precise timing to wait until the last minute and scrape past the signal just as the light turns red. The black SUV in front of you with Gujjar Boy written on the rear window has already rushed past, overtaking you on the wrong side, challenging you to follow suit. Will you make it without loss of life, license and lasting damage to your vehicle? Nothing can compare to this adrenalin rush.

Jay walking – Move to a busy place, like M.G road on a Saturday evening. Start warming up by walking on the pavement, if you can find it. By the time you dodge a stray pig, jump over a pile of rubble, out maneuver a cycle rickshaw and side step a lump of dog poop, you are ready for the final test. Watch the pattern of traffic carefully for a break in the flow. When you are tired of watching, run across the road. For added excitement, cross the road holding hands with friends and family. Raise your hands up and scream as though you are on a roller coaster. For extra points, cross back to pickup little Pappu who got left behind on the other side.

Cutting the Queue- The real version of this sport is played out at the Toll Plaza on NH8. The aim is to disprove the Universal Queue Principle- ‘The queue you have joined will be the slowest among all queues.’ To achieve the objective, one must continuously keep switching lanes and joining the lane that seems to move the fastest. Since everyone who has queued up at the Toll Plaza is in a desperate hurry to rush to a life threatening emergency, the game promises each player the euphoric feeling of struggling against all odds and beating your neighbor to the Toll Booth. The Toll Booth officials have taken the game to another level by levying a fee of 21 Rs and ensuring that booths are manned by mathematically challenged folks who will take forever to hand you the change. For a variation, you can try the same game at the parking queue at a mall on a busy weekend.

Fog Driving- For the sheer thrill of taking a plunge into nothingness, try driving in Gurgaon on a foggy night in late December. The local municipal authorities officially sponsor this sport by ensuring that none of the street lights work. Even an extreme sport stalwart will find it unnerving to drive into a dense gray mist in which you cannot see beyond your nose. Add a dose of mystery and suspense by trying to guess which road you are on and whether the sudden thump on your car means that you have run over a stray pig, bumped into a road block, rammed another vehicle or reached the gate of your house.

Wild Water Rafting- Gurgaonites no longer have to go to Rishikesh to experience the joys of navigating large swathes of gushing water. Sitting in your vehicle during the monsoons with the water slowly rising up to the exhaust pipe can make you feel that you are in a canoe without a paddle. The objective for the pedestrian and driver is to get from one place to another on the waterlogged roads without drowning, catching pneumonia or walking through untreated sewage. To push yourself to your limits try driving through the routes that have Level 4 rapids such as the Three Great Potholes, Stalling Stretch and Drain OverFlow.

In Gurgaon, every day is a thrilling adventure.

This is the time of the year when one starts listing the highlights and low points, the crests and troughs experienced in the year gone by. My biggest achievement has been surviving a year of driving around in Gurgaon. Though I have lived in this part of the world for about 8 years, I could never summon the courage to get behind the steering wheel. We were a single car family – either I didn’t have access to the car at all or it came to me with the driver which kept me safely in the backseat. This January , we upgraded ourselves to full- fledged Gurgaonites and got a second car-Mine.

Now, people who drive nonchalantly around in SUVs that look like armored tanks while talking on mobile phones and listening to ear blasting music, might think that there is nothing to it. But I hadn’t driven a vehicle in 15 years. My driving skills had rusted and confidence was at an all time low. The husband volunteered a couple of Sundays to help me brush up my driving

We are already into the festive season-the Navratras, Dussera, Id and Durga Puja have passed by. As we head into the next month, there will be an array of Diwali sweets at the shops, followed by plum cakes and pastries closer to Christmas. The mall decorations will change from Dandiyas and Diyas to stars and Santa Claus . The clothes we wear will change from blingy desi wear to boots and blazers. The Chinese lights will blink almost continuously till the New Year. It is the season for extravagances. Excess is expected. There is no point spending the auspicious time feeling guilty, restricted and resentful. We need to let go of such negative thoughts and submit to the spirit of the times. If we are to truly celebrate these traditional moments, we should throw ourselves into the festive cauldron and stir up a host of great memories.

The first thing to do is Suspend the Diet. It is no coincidence that the word Diet has Die in it. Sticking to the diet at this time is social suicide and economic murder. Weight watchers need to put away that calorie counter and start relishing the diverse fare on offer. It would be rude to refuse the second helping of kheer at the dinner party and ruder still if you stayed away from the alcohol so critical to lubricate social network. It would be churlish if you did not taste the new kind of burfi that your neighbor has specially made for the occasion and sent to you on a covered plate with two candles. How many mithai boxes can you recycle? It is much better to consume the kaju katlis in house and live up to the traditional Indian values of not wasting food.

Once you’ve decided to expand the waistline, it is time to Expand the Wardrobe. Festive wear is based on the more is more principle- more glitter, more gold, more shine, more shimmer. When I was a child, buying new clothes was the highlight of Deepavali. We looked forward to choosing clothes that were a little better, slightly more fancy than the regular wear. There was a special simple pleasure in the smell of fresh cotton, the anticipation of wearing the new outfit through the day and then bringing it out on special occasions. These days, when one picks up new clothes along with the groceries or a weekend outing to the mall, it is important to make sure that the festive purchases are out of the ordinary. A wonderful new designer sari or zardosi embellished anarkali will not only boost your morale but also boost the profits of artisans, designers, tailors and boutiques. Besides, if you have not managed to shed off the extra kilos piled on during the last festive season, it is possible that the festive apparel from the previous year will no longer fit you, forcing you to become more fashionable and well groomed.

As we try to tighten the drawstrings of the new salwar, we also need to loosen the purse strings. This is not the time to channel our inner Scrooge or scrounge around for cheap bargains. So get ready to Blow up your Savings and succumb to the festive magic. The process begins with the dispersal of the Diwali bonus to the domestic and support staff and continues till D day when the baksheesh is given to the raddi wala, doodhwala, dog walker, flower delivery boy etc. Then there are gifts to be purchased for every far and near friend and relative. The standard diya/candle and mithai dabba is so last century. The gifts are now required to be novel, unique, innovative, and more expensive than the previous year, reflecting your improving socio economic status. Even the most efficient recycler of the gifts has to fork out some cash to keep up her social standing. So visit a Diwali mela with a money belt and come back with a collection of bespoke handcrafted napkin cum cutlery holder made of recycled cardboard and embellished with semi precious sequins. This does not come cheap. If at all there is any money left, the ultimate vanishing act will be performed at the Taash party. Poof! Watch in wonder as the pile of crisp notes you came with dwindles into nothing in seconds at the poker game.

At the end of the year, the true adherent to the festive spirit should have a larger weight and wardrobe and a smaller bank balance. This will show whether you really enjoyed the festive season or not.

This is going to be my eighth year in Gurgaon. Yes, we are survivors. I spent the first two years thinking that it was a temporary phase. Instead, we ended up moving merely from Phase 4 to Phase 5. In fact, I suppose I have now developed something like the Stockholm syndrome. I can’t imagine moving out of Gurgaon for the next few years. We own the house we live in, the child has been in the same school ever since she started her education, we voted during the last municipal elections, all of which qualifies us for permanent residency. We have decided not to actively pursue any job opportunities outside the NCR. I do complain about life in Gurgaon-(complaining is the official Gurgaon sport) and moan about the lack of several amenities. But despite its drawbacks and problems, I have to confess that I enjoy living in Gurgaon. It could also be inertia, laziness and strong lobbying from our daughter who does not know any other home. Perhaps I have just got accustomed to this place.

This New year, I am dedicating this song to our current hometown. This is inspired by the song, “ I’ve grown accustomed to her face” from the classic ‘ My Fair Lady”, sung with zest and vigor by Professor Higgins. Long time Gurgaon residents may croon this to the same tune as they drive up and down the NH8 and wait for the traffic to ease up.

I’ve grown accustomed to this place

Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!
I’ve grown accustomed to this place.
The chaos when the day begins.
I’ve grown accustomed to the tune
of cars through night and noon.
the roads, the walls,
the buildings, the malls,
are second nature to me now;
Like breathing out and breathing in.

are second nature to me now;
Like breathing out and breathing in.

Other cities are planned, orderly, structured and set;
Surely I could move somewhere else again
And yet
I’ve grown accustomed to its look;
Accustomed to the noise;
Accustomed to this place.

I can see myself in a cottage in the hill
or in a gorgeous villa on the sea shore
I can see myself seated by a window sill,
looking upon a glorious view you could kill for.

There would be fresh air and water
the roads would be broad and clean
without any hawkers or squatters
shaded by trees of bright green

Pigs and cows would be kept on a farm
Garbage dumps would be swept away
I would never come to any harm
If I walked on the pavements everyday.

How simply wonderful.
How exciting! How delightful!

How lovely to live in a town
Where buses and autos ply through the day
Where you don’t have to drive up and down
And a taxi is just a shout away.

But I’m so used to living here
where all conveniences are near
The buzz, the action,
The seasonal celebrations,
Are second nature to me now;
Like breathing out and breathing in.

I’m very grateful for our home
amidst a concrete sprawl
We like our neighbors and friends
who help us through it all
And yes,
I’ve grown accustomed to the trace
Of something in this air;
I’ve grown accustomed to this place

It is a universally acknowledged fact that when a significant portion of the population lives in and around high rise buildings, a significant portion of their lives is spent in and around elevators. This leads to significant social behavior modification as people have to adapt to the contraption that carries them to new heights .Over the years that I have lived in Gurgaon, I have observed completely normal sane people succumb to elevatoritis – a display of antisocial moronic behavior when in the vicinity of a lift.

A first sign of elevatoritis is a strong belief in the First Law of Lifts- The harder you press the lift button, the faster will be the arrival of the lift. The symptoms are an irritated expression and manic jabbing of random buttons. These people feel that if you press the calling button repeatedly, the elevator will descend with the speed of light and bear you swiftly away to your destination. It doesn’t seem to matter that the cosmic phenomenon has never happened before, the victim of elevatoritis continues to believe that one day the miracle will come to pass.

It also depends on which button you press. In our building, it is normal to press the top button if you want to go up and bottom if you want to go to a lower floor. Makes sense? On several occasions I have noticed a dazed individual standing at Ground Floor pressing the down button. When I pressed the top button to go up, he looked at me disdainfully and said “If you want to go up, the lift has to come down first, so you have to press the down button.” It made sense! But our conflicting instructions seemed to have confused the lift since it refused to arrive for a very long time.

Okay, now you have got into the lift, the next tricky part is to get out. This becomes trickier when there is only one functional elevator for the entire building and everybody has been waiting desperately for it to reach their floors. There is a sudden attack of elevatoritis . Everyone ignores the simple rules of elevator etiquette that has been nailed into the lift wall. They are seized with a sense of urgency and believe that if they don’t rush out immediately, the elevator monster will emerge from the ceiling fan and devour them. Those who are out act as though the elevator is the last life boat for the survivors of the sinking Titanic. Throw in one dog walker with large Labrador, a small child with a bicycle, a weight challenged Auntiji, three moving men with a box of kitchen utensils on one side and a pizza delivery boy, three ladies of leisure with large shopping bags, another dog walker with a yappy Pomeranian and three more packers with a large mattress on the other and you have a classic elevator traffic jam. By the time it has been sorted out, the empty elevator has merrily sped away.

Elevatoritis claims even innocent young minds as its victims. A perfectly normal eight year old boy who is content with smashing car windows with cricket balls and teasing neighborhood girls develops a notion that the elevator is a large toy put there for his enjoyment. This toy is operated by making several lights blink at the same time on the elevator button panel. The objective is to frustrate the maximum number of people who are waiting impatiently for the elevator to reach their destination after stopping at all the floors below or above. Future attacks of elevatoritis can be cured by a hefty clout on the head administered by a responsible adult failing which the innocent young mind can be assured of a career as a gun runner or a blue Line bus driver.

There is something about being in close contact with a group of people within a small enclosed space that seems to trigger a bout of elevatoritis. It manifests itself in different ways. There are those people who would like the rest of world to know that they have had a hearty rajma chawal meal along with a raw onion salad. More environmentally conscious ones want to spread awareness on how to conserve water by not having a bath for several days. Others bellow into mobile phones screaming ” Hello.. Hello.. I am in the lift. Can you hear me” in a nested loop cycle until they are disgorged by the said lift or fellow passengers who have had enough of noise pollution.

Is there a cure for elevatoritis? Yes, it is called ‘ Take the stairs’ but this remedy has found no takers as yet.

With forty malls and an average of forty shops per mall, shopping has become a regional pastime in Gurgaon. During the time of SALE, it becomes an adventure sport fraught with tension, anxiety, calling for speed, agility and lightning reflexes. Since we are in the hub of outsourcing, it is only natural that this activity should lead to a host of ancillary jobs that call for special skills and abilities. Having struggled through shopping without much success, I can think of a few new jobs that need to be created especially during SALE times.

Parking Scout- Parking spaces in Gurgaon are rarer than polar bears in the Thar desert. Imagine the frustration of the avid shopper who has waited in a long queue outside the MGF mall on a hot Sunday morning only to get the Parking Full sign slapped on his face just as he inched into the driveway. The Parking scout will an identify appropriate vacant parking spot in a mall, send you an Alert message on the mobile and quickly plant a ‘This spot has been Taken’ flag in the space, keeping it warm till your car arrives. If not for the scout, you might end up opting for the ‘Buy 1 mop, get 3 Brooms Free’ offer at the Big Bazaar in Sahara Mall instead of landing up at the Debenhams upto 50% off Sale.

Sale Spotter- With a huge variety of Sales at every mall- Happiness Sales, Depression Sales, Spring Sale, Summer Sale, Winter Sale, Off Season Sales and No Reason Sales, the canny but busy shopper cannot possibly know where to head to get the best deals. How foolish you will look when your friend informs you that she got the ‘exact same top’ for which you paid a fortune at a 75% discount at another shop. The Sale Spotter will trawl all the malls and stand alone shops, scan the newspapers and let you know where you can those 4 Hand Knitted Ear Warmers for the price of 1 or buy a pair of nude six inch stilettos at 45% discount and then where to go to buy dress to match with them. You have to make sure that you buy at least ten things you do not need at these sales so that you can justify the fees of a highly qualified Sale Spotter who will provide you with a satisfying shopping experience.

Professional Bag Carrier

Once upon a time, they used to be known as Husbands. These days, the metrosexual men would rather dash to Ed Hardy store or sneak off to the men’s section at Shopper Stop than hang around carrying shopping bags. The dedicated shopper requires a Professional Bag carrier, preferably someone with
long arms, strong back and large reserves of patience who can tote ten shopping bags in each hand and balance the rest on the head. For a little extra fee, the professional bag carrier will make appropriate appreciative noises while he or she is shown the potential purchase and asked “How does this look?”

Trial Room Keeper

One of the biggest frustrations of shopping is rushing to try that Size 10 pair of skinny jeans and finding fifteen people holding three garments each already there at the Trial Rooms. That is when you realize the value of a Trial Room Keeper. The Trial Room Keeper will quickly insert herself into a vacant Trial Room as you enter the shop and wait there pretending to try on clothes while you gather your items. While in the chamber of Horrors, you may sadly realize that you no longer fit into a Size 10 pair of jeans. Then she will be ready with other sizes which will be sneakily passed on to you so that you don’t have to queue up endlessly again. For a little extra fee, she will say “ You have definitely lost weight.” at frequent intervals.

With such services, shopping can be a pleasant leisurely experience. These dedicated workers will ensure that you do not need counseling for post traumatic stress disorder or post purchase dissonance after some retail therapy.

Nirupama Subramanian is a long time Gurgaon resident and the author of the novel- Keep The Change.